The Banjo Players Must Die, page 109 by Josef Assad
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be movie stars in Heaven, and all manners of and uninspired and mundane manifestations of deeply seated inferiority complexes. Ramses promised them all of this in Heaven, and more. Some people wanted salvation, and Ramses faked a passage from the Bible claiming that there were salvation fire hydrants in Heaven; pee on it and God forgives you for your sins[Ramses told them that barking wouldn't hurt either and that they should really go get some practise. Callousness is a characteristic acquired early in prophethood.]. Some (already well-endowed) women yearned for larger breasts; Ramses drew up building permits, signed them, and told the ladies to show these to the Zoning Authority in Heaven.
Ramses, of course, had been a research scientist and not a theologist. He quite honestly did not have much of an idea what sort of things he was now supposed to have his flock do, his cult. One couldn't very well, he supposed, just tell them "Ah well you're Ramsesists now. Scoot then, off to your homes again. That is it." Cult members did things. They wore clean white sneakers, spouted theology at innocent members of the general public in attempts to recruit, and under the right circumstances said prayer[And not in Swedish.]. Cult members bit chicken heads off and gargled nasty things[Fetid rabbit stew, even.] to appease their gods. Ramses became acutely aware of the ideological void his movement was about to fall into like the proverbial rabbit into the equally proverbial broth - or stew even.
Perhaps, he reasoned, Ramsesists could appease their gods by displaying a little love. Yes, a little love. You can't go wrong with love, Ramses told himself. But for whom? For the meek, surely. Yes, his followers would, could, SHOULD! show love for the meek! Divine, he congratulated himself, really now, this is how to run a cult, he thought to himself, his faith in his own leadership and creativity bubbling over like the proverbial broth into which the equally proverbial rabbit has been dropped (like the other proverbi