The Banjo Players Must Die, page 159 by Josef Assad
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hone calls, which doesn't happen at any appreciable rate of success since the process of disenconparapatriation is non-reversible except for under the most unusual of circumstances (such as when it is a multiple of twelve calls which has been disenconparapatriated and each of the disenconparapatriated telephone calls correspond by an extremely bizarre circumstance to Polish social security numbers which are divisible by 29. This is a design flaw in the global telecommunications network. Given the surprisingly large proportion of telephone numbers which correspond to Polish social security numbers which are divisible by 29, though, the problem isn't as visible as it might have been.). Eventually, however, the calls themselves achieve sentience through pure frustration at the world-encompassing incompetence of the telecom relay system, develop extreme feelings of angst and existentialist nihilism, and terminate themselves by routing autonomously to the nearest telephone outlet. From the telephone user's perspective, this invariably results in a wrong number.
And just in case things go smoothly, there is a family of fire-ants which has moved into the central exchange in Bogot· which periodically loses members in electric mishaps. The resulting short circuits are prodigiously effective at misdirecting accurately routed telephone calls, and the Bogot· exchange sees spikes in activity on the last day of February in leap years when the Polish health ministry issues replacement identity cards.
And of these fire-ants we shall say no more.
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Committee for Demilitarisation
Angelic Superior Council for Purity
Project FLTH-RAT-02391
DOOMSDAY PREPARATION STATUS UPDATE
Pursuant to the unexplained disappearance of George and the subsequent disbanding of the Doomsday Planning Committee and the ensuing chaos and the lengthy pondering and meandering considerations of what to do about Doomsday and the solicitation of the assistance of the Committee for