The Banjo Players Must Die, page 29 by Josef Assad
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pty cardboard packet of chewing gum on the ground. These things, he had come to understand, made an annoying farting sound when you blew into it. That was better than nothing, wasn't it.
Gabriel picked up the empty chewing gum packet and blew on one end; yes, annoying farting sounds were being produced. He looked around him and smiled, and blew on it again, harder. No one paid him any attention, and the next song had indeed begun playing.
He blew on it even harder, and still no attention. "Well," he thought to himself, "I shall just have to fly up above the crowd and make this annoying farting sound. It is, after all, The End of the World. Good thing I kept my wings for this Task."
He began flapping his wings, but they had become sticky with beer. His wing-flapping, in fact, didn't do much other than knock a bottle of beer out of the hands of the man standing directly behind him. What Gabriel had meant to say was "oh, I'm terribly sorry", but with the gum packet in his mouth, all that came out were stuttering farting sounds.
This looked terribly cheeky, of course; knocking the fellow's beer over, and then making mocking farting noises at him. The man urngh'ed, a guttural utterance which many industrialists rely extensively upon - especially during inventory-taking time. He lunged for Gabriel, and a fist connected solidly with an angel's nose.
"Oh for fuck's sake, it's not like I MEANT to spill your beer you large and crass - oh dear..." Gabriel, no innocent in the ways of Heaven, Hell and more specifically Purgatory, suddenly became aware that the dreaded `f' word had flown off of his well-disciplined tongue, out of his heavily guarded mouth, and had acquainted itself with at least two hundred pairs of ears. And one decidedly Non-Human pair of ears.
The cosmic puff of acrid black smoke transportation mechanism lagged slightly; this happened from time to time. Gabriel noted this and decided to work as many four-letter words out of his system as he could before it kic