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some arrangements have to be made -- a way has to be made for them not to appear so ugly from the outset."
"We need an agent to get us the role of the friendly aliens," Joshua said.
"That's the short version," Carl said.
I sat there for a second, trying to process the information. "Can I ask a question?" I said.
"Shoot," said Joshua.
I looked at Joshua and for a moment I was frozen. I didn't know what part of it to address. It all looked the same. I dealt with it by looking straight at its center. "Dumb question first: Why didn't you just drop on the lawn of the White House? I mean, in the movies, that's pretty much how it was done."
"We thought about it," Joshua said. "Then we caught the Presidential debates. The people you folks elect are sort of scary. And you Americans are the folks that do it the best on this entire planet. Besides, your president only speaks for Americans. American movies speak for your world. Who hasn't seen Wizard of Oz? Or Jaws? Or Star Wars? We've seen them, and we're not even from this planet." Joshua sprouted a tendril and tapped the table. "If you want to introduce yourself to the planet, this is the place to start."
"Okay," I said. I looked over at Carl. "The....Earjack --"
"Yherajk," Carl said, pronouncing it yee-heer-aahg-k.
"It's not our real name," Joshua said, "but you couldn't pronounce what we're actually called."
"Why not?" I asked.
"Well, for one thing, it's a smell," Joshua said. "Would you like to smell it?"
I glanced at Carl. He shrugged. "Sure," I said.
The room filled with a stench that resembled the offspring of a rotted sneaker and Velveeta. I gagged involuntarily.
"God, that's horrible," I said, and immediately regretted it. "I'm very sorry," I said. "That was probably the first ever insult to an extraterrestrial. I apologize."
"No offense taken," Joshua said, mildly. "You should come to a Yherajk get-together. It's like a convention of farts."
"I believe
