Punch, or the London Charivari, page 29 by Various Authors
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ast train, you know. The last train is intended for that very purpose."
"What very purpose?"
"For coming back by the last train. That's what it's there for. Fathers of families who come back by it sleep in their own beds instead of sleeping in strange beds in clubs or hotels. Let us sing the praises of the last train. Rosie, push over the marmalade, and don't upset the spoon on the table-cloth."
It is not easy to converse with marmalade in one's mouth. I did not make the attempt, so there was a short pause in the argument. It was resumed by the lady of the house.
"You'll lose a lot of sleep, you know," she said. "The last train doesn't get you here till one o'clock in the morning."
"No matter," I said, "I can bear it. The thought of meeting my family at breakfast will sustain me."
"But you never do meet us. After a last train night you 're always half-an-hour late, and by that time the girls are gone."
"But you remain," I said. "To see you pouring out coffee is a liberal education in patience."
"But it's tepid coffee."
"I like tepid coffee as a change."
"And the eggs and bacon are cold."
"Pooh!" I said. "There is always the toast."
"And the toast is limp."
"If," I said, "you are so sure of these discomforts why not order me a fresh breakfast?"
"And that," she said, "will make work for the servants."
"Work," I said, "is for the workers. Besides the cook will like me to show an independent spirit."
"The nature of cooks," she said, "is not one of your strong points. No, I am sure you will do better to stay in London."
"But I can give up my dinners," I said.
"And do you think I could ask you to make such a sacrifice? Old friends whom you meet only once a year! Certainly you must go."
"But----"
"If you don't turn up they'll put it down to me, and that wouldn't be fair."
"I don't know," I said, "why you are so keen on my staying in London. There's someth