Blindsight, page 279 by Peter Watts
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lt a shock of recognition.
I still wonder why I never saw it before. For all those years I remembered the thoughts and feelings of some different, younger person, some remnant of the boy my parents had hacked out of my head to make room for me. He'd been alive. His world had been vibrant. And though I could call up the memories of that other consciousness, I could barely feel anything within the constraints of my own.
Perhaps dreamstate wasn't such a bad word for it...
"Like to hear a vampire folk tale?" Sarasti asked.
"Vampires have folk tales?"
He took it for a yes. "A laser is assigned to find the darkness. Since it lives in a room without doors, or windows, or any other source of light, it thinks this will be easy. But everywhere it turns it sees brightness. Every wall, every piece of furniture it points at is brightly lit. Eventually it concludes there is no darkness, that light is everywhere."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"Amanda is not planning a mutiny."
"What? You know about--"
"She doesn't even want to. Ask her if you like."
"No--I--"
"You value objectivity."
It was so obvious I didn't bother answering.
He nodded as if I had. "Synthesists can't have opinions of their own. So when you feel one, it must be someone else's. The crew holds you in contempt. Amanda wants me relieved of command. Half of us is you. I think the word is project. Although,"--he cocked his head a bit to one side--"lately you improve. Come."
"Where?"
"Shuttle bay. Time to do your job."
"My--"
"Survive and bear witness."
"A drone--"
"Can deliver the data--assuming nothing fries its memory before it gets away. It can't convince anyone. It can't counter rationalizations and denials. It can't matter. And vampires--" he paused--"have poor communications skills."
It should have been cause for pe