by Horatio Edward Norfolk
(1861) Non fiction / Historical
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- Epitaphs from English gravestones.
- Some religious, others witty, humorous and even revengeful.
o Philippa Brown, died November 22nd, 1738, aged 63.
Here I lie, without the door, The church is full, 'twill hold no more; Here I lye, the less I pay, And still I lie as warm as they. When thou art dead, let this thy comfort be, That all the world by turn, must follow thee.
o Here lies Robert Trollop, Who made yon stones roll up: When death took his soul up, His body filled this hole up.
o On Anne, daughter of Joseph Baynham, Died 16th Aug. 1632.
Shee had not spunn out Thirtie dayes, but God from paine took her to joyes; Let none their trust in worldly Bliss, All youth and age must come to This, but Manner how, place where, time when, Is known to God, but not to men; Watch, Pray, Repent, and sinne forsake, Lest, unprepared, Death thee should take,-- Then happy Thou that so shall dye, To Live with God Eternalye.
o Here lies I and my three daughters, Killed by a drinking the Cheltenham waters; If we had stuck to Epsom salts, We'd not been a lying in these here vaults.
o On Hannah, wife of Jeremiah Soffe, died 1832.
When I am dead and in my Grave, And all my Bones are Rotten. This when you see, Remember me, Or lest I should be forgotten.
o Here a lovely youth doth lie, Which by accident did die; His precious breath was forced to yield, For by a waggon he was killed!
o Grieve not for me, my husband dear, I am not dead, but sleepeth here; With patience wait, prepare to die, And in a short time you'll come to I.
o Several years since, an inhabitant of Woolwich died, leaving a testamentary order that his tombstone should be inscribed with the well-known lines:--
Youthful reader, passing by, As you are now, so once was I, As I am now, so you must be, Therefore prepare to follow me.
The widow of the deceased, who did not honour her lord more than the ordinary run of wives, obeyed her late husband's injunctions, but added a postscript of her own composition--
To follow you I am not content, Until I know which way you went.
by Malcolm Jameson
(1939) Sci-fi (anthropomorphism/) \ Humor
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- The Betsy B was purchased second hand from the Navy and has undergone a renovation as a private boat..
- Her renovation has, however, just begun.
- Dr. Horatio Dilbiss has created The Oil of Life.
- The oil is spilled on the Betsy B.
- The Betsy B becomes alive and can manipulate her environment.
- The Betsy B makes improvements in herself.
- If she can make changes why not additions. What about the patter of little paddles around the bay. What about the: Children of the Betsy B.
by Gelett Burgess
(1906) Humor (Satire)
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- The dictionary defines 'Bromide' as: 'A trite and unoriginal idea or remark, typically intended to soothe or placate. Feel-good bromides create the illusion of problem solving.'
- The author explores a comparison of personality types.
- The books subtitle explains more: The Sulphitic Theory Expounded and Exemplified According to the Most Recent Researches into the Psychology of Boredom Including Many Well-Known Bromidioms Now in Use.'
- Read on, you may be a Sulphite or, Are You A Bromide?
by Joseph Conrad
(1912) Adventure (Nautical)
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- A sea captain meets his near double as a fugitive.
- The captain hides the man from the crew and tries to help.
- His attempt to spare one life, may mean the wreck of his ship and the life of all aboard.
- Until then, he has become, The Secret Sharer.