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English as She is Wrote

Showing Curious Ways in which the English Language may be made to Convey Ideas or obscure them.

Cover image for


Author: Anonymous
Published: 1883
Language: English
Wordcount: 13,377 / 46 pg
Flesch-Kincaid Reading Ease: 82.8
LoC Category: PN
Downloads: 4,057
Added to site: 2008.06.30 21374
Genre: Language

and Crumpets and Straw berry with a scim milk, because I can't get no cream. N. B. Shuse and Boots mended very well."

An Irish inn exhibits the following in large type:

"Within this hive we're all alive, With whiskey sweet as honey; If you are dry, step in and try, But don't forget your money."

An inn near London displays a board with the following inscription:

"Call--Softly, Drink Moderately, Pay Honourably; Be good Company, Part FRIENDLY, Go HOME quietly. Let those lines be no MAN'S sorrow, Pay to DAY and i'll TRUST tomorrow."


For Epitaphs.

A terse account of an untimely end is given upon a stone in a Mexican church-yard:

"He was young, he was fair But the Injuns raised his hair."

The following may be read upon the tombstone of Lottie Merrill, the young huntress of Wayne County, Pennsylvania: "Lottie Merrill lays hear she dident know wot it wuz to be afeered but she has hed her last tussel with the bars and t



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