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The Love Sonnets of a Hoodlum

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Author: Wallace Irwin
Co-author: Gelett Burgess
Published: 1901
Language: English
Wordcount: 4,597 / 21 pg
Flesch-Kincaid Reading Ease: 86.3
LoC Category: PN
Downloads: 838
mnybks.net#: 3873
Origin: gutenberg.org
Genres: Poetry, Humor
Excerpt

Corral the jim-jam bugs that madly race
Around the eaves that from my forehead jut -
Or will a carpenter please come instead
And build a picket fence around my head?

X

As one who with his landlord stands deuce high
And blocks his board bill off with I O U's,
Touching the barkeep lightly for his booze,
Sidestepping when a creditor goes by,
Soaking his mother's watch-chain on the sly,
Haply his ticker, too, haply his shoes,
Till Mr. Johnson comes to turn him loose
And lift the mortgage from that poor cheap guy;

So am I now small change in Mamie's scorn,
A microbe's egg, or two-bits in a fog,
A first cornet that cannot toot a horn,
A Waterbury watch that's slipped a cog;
For when her make-up's twisted to a frown,
What can I but go 'way back and sit down?

XI

O scaly Mame to give me such a deal,
To hand me such a bunch when I was true!
You played me double and you knew it, too,
Nor cared a wad of gum how I w

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