Scarborough and the Critic

ghter, 'twould neither have hooked nor buttoned.
Lord Fop. Rat the hooks and buttons, sir! Can any thing be worse than this? As Gad shall jedge me, it hangs on my shoulders like a chairman's surtout.
Tai. 'Tis not for me to dispute your lordship's fancy.
Lory. There, sir, observe what respect does.
Fash. Respect! damn him for a coxcomb!--But let's accost
him.--[Coming forward.] Brother, I'm your humble servant. Lord Fop. O Lard, Tam! I did not expect you in England.
--Brother, I'm glad to see you.--But what has brought you to Scarborough, Tam!--[To the TAILOR.] Look you, sir, I
shall never be reconciled to this nauseous wrapping-gown,
therefore pray get me another suit with all possible expedition; for this is my eternal aversion.--[Exit TAILOR.] Well
but, Tam, you don't tell me what has driven you to Scarborough.-- Mrs. Calico, are not you of my mind?
Semp. Directly, my lord.--I hope your lordship is pleased with your ruffles?
Lord Fop. In love with them, stap my vitals!--Bring my
bill, you shall be paid to-morrow.
Semp. I humbly thank your worship. [Exit.]
Lord Fop. Hark thee, shoemaker, these shoes aren't ugly,
but they don't fit me.
Shoe. My lord, I think they fit you very well.
Lord Fop. They hurt me just below the instep.
Shoe. [Feels his foot.] No, my lord, they don't
hurt you there.
Lord Fop. I tell thee they pinch me execrably.
Shoe. Why then, my lord, if those shoes pinch you, I'll be damned.
Lord Fop. Why, will thou undertake to persuade me I cannot feel?
Shoe. Your lordship may please to feel what you think fit, but that shoe does not hurt you--I think I understand my trade. Lord Fop. Now, by all that's good and powerful, thou art
an incomprehensive coxcomb!--but thou makest good shoes, and so I'll bear with thee.