ion, We have been forced, greatly against Our wish, into a quarrel with a powerful and designing enemy," etc., etc.
Consignment of Chicago sausages, arriving Hamburg, is found to bear label "The Best." Deliberate blow at German supremacy. Germany is the Sausage Queen. Ultimatum to United States. Reply unsatisfactory, so declare war. Speech to my people:--"Owing to this wicked," etc.
Despatch from Pomeranian farming district to effect that a Cochin-China hen has peaked at representation of German Eagle in picture-book. At once issued ultimatum to Cochin-China demanding humble and complete apology, otherwise war would be declared. Received immediate reply, stating that as Cochin-China belongs at present to France I may save myself the trouble of a fresh declaration of war. Do so.
Read statement that "heat in neighbourhood of equator surpasses that of any other part of the world." See in this a direct challenge to our sovereignty. We are the hottest stuff in the world. Declare war o