Kelly Dunn - From no Custody to 100% Full Custody

With a decade of co-parenting experience, Kelly Dunn is the mother of two children: a daughter & son. She learned through trial & error, then put that knowledge in this book to pass on, so others can avoid the same pitfalls. She loves helping people. As our Author of the Day, Dunn tells us more about her book aimed at people in a similar situation: Baby Daddy from Hell.

Please give us a short introduction to what Baby Daddy from Hell is about?

It's about my child custody battle of how it went from no custody to 100% full custody.

Was there anything in particular that made you want to tackle this?

It was the day I received a letter in the mail three months after our child custody trial when I found out I went from having my son 50% of his life to 3 weekends a month! My ex-husband and his girlfriend kept notes on me since they got together, then used that (and lies) against me in court. I felt it was so evil keeping notes on them "in case" I ever needed them. Well, I learned the hard way and started my own note-keeping after receiving that letter, which got me my kid back! I learned a lot about the legal system from an active family law attorney and want to pass on that info to others, so the same thing doesn't happen to them.

Why is it often so hard for exes to co-parent effectively?

There's so much hatred towards your ex, hence the separation, that you use whatever control you have (AKA a child) to "get back at them." When, really, all it does is hurt everyone. Each person is affected differently but doesn't know how to process their emotions. If they could learn this amicably AND really put their child's needs before themselves, it would make a world of a difference on everyone's life.

Your book promises that a lack of money (to afford lawyers) doesn't mean that you lack control over the situation. Please explain.

In my book, I share many things I learned from an attorney that anybody can do themselves, such as the specific way documentation is prepared for the court (e.g., font size, spacing, layout, pictures, etc.). I kept very detailed notes and converted those to be court-ready. Also, I explain how and where to get proof of evidence against the other parent, such as criminal records, police phone calls, etc. Many of these don't cost anything or very little, but being aware of the possibilities can prepare someone instead of going in blindly.

Why are starting new habits so important during a custody battle?

This was the whole reason things turned out the way they did. I wasn't keeping notes, I had no idea what to expect from the court, and was clueless about child custody altogether. Had I known all of this sooner, I know for sure things would have played out a lot differently.

Besides writing, what other secret skills do you have?

I can type 83 words per minute. I know the chorus of most songs in many genres (but can't sing). I have an eye for detail; I'm very observant and can tell when something is off. I'm very tech savvy, everyone comes to me with IT questions, which I can usually always resolve. I'm uber-organized; I can tell you where everything is in my house, car, or office.

Your book includes some very honest real-life examples. Were these hard to write about?

Not really. I've always been an open and honest person, but I did feel bad about writing this like I'm being revengeful, but I just want to help people. It was emotional though; I had to re-live the things I wrote and read it over and over again to make sure it was written well and correctly.

Why is it important to be prepared when you go through the court process?

Not knowing what to expect is the scariest feeling no doubt. I have always hated court; it makes me SO nervous as if one wrong move and I'm screwed for life. But the more I learned, the less I was afraid. Knowledge truly is power. It's something no one can take from you and you can never have too much. Our children should be the most important people in our lives, so we should treat child custody just the same.

What advice would you give to your younger self?

I would say, "Don't be naive" and "Reach out for help when you need it."

Do you have a favorite line from the book, and can you explain what that line means to you?

"Good things for good people" is what my Work Mom always said to me. The more I read it and hear it, the more I believe it. Just because things may not be going well, doesn't mean it's the end all. Maybe you need to be patient and/or make a change. Have faith. Think positive and that is what shall manifest.

In this book you’re dealing with so many difficult themes – as a writer, do you feel a sense of responsibility? If so, how do you deal with this?

I feel like I have experienced so many things in life that others can relate to and I do feel responsible to share what I have learned with those who need it most. People like me. People who are broke ($) and broken :( looking for hope in a dark place. Because just a little bit can mean more than you ever imagined.

Do you have any interesting writing habits? What is an average writing day like for you?

I've always been a social butterfly and can hold a conversation with pretty much anyone, and I think writing is the same. As long as it's a topic I'm familiar with, I can write my heart out. Also, being distraction-free sure helps a lot too! I have a lot to say and writing gives me an outlet. A way to put it into the world to go on and on and on.

What are you working on right now?

I'm promoting my first book, but have ideas for others. I'm hoping to help people through "Baby Daddy from Hell." I have a habit of starting many projects, but not finishing them. So, I have been working on one at a time and seeing where it takes me. I must say, it feels pretty great!

Where can our readers discover more of your work or interact with you?

I have a "Positive Support for Single/Co-Parents" Facebook group that I'm quite active in https://www.facebook.com/groups/1248970765193768/.

I also created an Author page on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/authorkellydunn/, as well as a website for my book kellydunn.live.