"Suit yourself. I MapQuested directions." Luna displayed a couple of print-outs, then started tracing several lines on a foldout map, explaining the astrological implications of each one. Then she devolved into a rambling diatribe about the choices we all have to make in life and that I was somehow 'chosen' to make this journey. A journey through the desert in the middle of August. Yeah, I was chosen all right. Because God hates me.
"Yeah, thanks, Luna. I'm sure I can find Vegas, no problem."
"You know what you need, Dingo?" she asked.
"A sane girlfriend? A life? Hope?"
"An animal spirit guide," she said.
"You have got to be fucking kidding me."
"No, come on. It'll be fun!"
She muted the television then grabbed my hands and pulled me off the couch. Luna then sat me down on the floor in front of her, her legs crossed, knees touching mine. "All right. Now, each person has a different animal spirit guide. An animal unique to