Nye and Riley's Wit and Humor

r as I did. Extravagant cordiality and overflowing hospitality have always kept my birthplace back.

[Illustration: Never Talk Back.]

Never talk back! sich things is ripperhensible; feller only "corks" hisse'f that jaws a man that's hot; In a quarrel, of you'll only keep your mouth shet and act sensible, The man that does the talkin'll git worsted every shot!

Never talk back to a feller that's abusin' you-- Jest let him carry on, and rip, and cuss and swear; And when he finds his lyin' and his dammin's jest amusin' you, You've gut him clean kaflummixed, and you want to hold him there!

Never talk back, and wake up the whole community, And call a man a liar, over law, or Politics,-- You can lift and land him furder and with gracefuller impunity With one good jolt of silence than a half a dozen kicks!

The Gruesome Ballad of Mr. Squincher

"Ki-yi!" said Mr. Squincher, As in contemplative pose, He stood before the looking-glass And burnished up his nose, And brushe