Zan Perrion is internationally recognized as one of the most original and insightful voices on relationships and seduction in the world today. He is a firm believer that relationship games are not needed. That the art of seduction relies on truth, not pretence. As our Author of the Day, Perrion tells us more about his philosophy and his latest book, The Alabaster Girl.
Please give us a short introduction to what The Alabaster Girl is about.
The Alabaster Girl is set on a nameless train somewhere between here and nowhere. A woman and a man sit facing each other. She is a journalist there to interview him. He is the "world's greatest seducer". We get to join the two on this train ride, a fly on the wall, as the seducer recounts his life, philosophy and startling insights. He describes to her exactly why women respond to him in ways that they never do to other men - everything he does and says and believes that sets him apart. And this interview is interspersed with excerpts (poetic impressions and memories from his life) that he wrote in his new book: "The Alabaster Girl." The book within the book.
What inspired you to write this book?
All my life I have absolutely adored women. And yet, in my early years, I was completely lost in the land of women. I was insecure and needy - the quintessential "nice guy" with a hidden agenda. So I decided to resolve this. I dedicated my life to trying to understand the hearts and minds of women, the rhythm of the feminine, and my relationship to it all.
Where does your interest in philosophy and relationships come from?
Like many of us, I come from a broken home and an extremely difficult childhood. My "self-help" has always been literature. I "resolved my childhood" not with therapy or counseling but by immersing myself in tales of adventure and of men that "went to sea". I realized that at no time in history has there ever been happy childhoods. In every generation before us, in all cultures, children have forever been faced with hunger and disease and sadness and abandonment and abuse. And yet ours is the only generation to dwell on it and use it as an excuse. I figured if all those broken children that came before me managed to leave their childhoods behind and do their best to live fulfilling and interesting lives, then so could I.
Tell us more about Ars Amorata.
Ars Amorata is the outpouring of that relentless search for my role as a man. It is a philosophy of sorts - one of rediscovering and ultimately reclaiming beauty and the essence of both masculine mystique and feminine grace. And we have an international men's group called "The Amorati," with close to 800 members in 39 countries - men who’ve changed their perspectives with women, changed their careers to pursue lives of greater meaning and purpose, and have found untold beauty and intimacy in their relationships.
In many other teachings, memorization and perfection of routines are emphasized but you suggest an alternative perspective. Why?
On my journey through the land of women all those years ago, I discovered something that I expect most of your readers already know. But it was something that I did not know and something that I had no one to teach me: That Honesty is the greatest aphrodisiac. And that Authenticity is the most attractive trait a man can ever possess. Plain speaking, in other words. To simply say, "There is something about you and I don't know what it is. I would love to see you again."
Romance is often viewed as something unattainable, and lasting love a rarity. What is your take on this?
I am convinced that the only way love can last is if both partners in a relationship are on their own personal and spiritual journey. And by "spiritual" I mean the quest for more excellence in life. If one is on this quest and the other is absorbed with routine and the daily grind (or they both are), it cannot last. And it must be an individual pursuit, something separate and apart, something driven by their own internal desire, albeit supported by their partner. Relationships wither and die when a couple closes off to the rest of the world and turn inward facing only each other, but they thrive when facing out in the same direction.
Besides writing, what other secret skills do you have?
Procrastinating! I spend a lot of my time wandering the streets of Bucharest with my fiancée, drinking coffee, having a laugh, and musing about life. I am not productive at all.
What do you hope your readers will take away from this?
That relationship games are not needed. That we are all broken. And that beauty is all around for those who seek beauty.
Why is it so important for men to understand women better?
Men are as suspicious of women today as women are of men. There is a kind of mistrust simmering below all of our interactions and relationships. Women blame men for not being "real" and men blame women for being "flaky". If a man sets out to try to understand women better, a calmness enters his spirit, he becomes curious about the experience of others, and he stops casting blame for so-called "rejections".
In which way are you different from the regular pickup artist when it comes to the art of seduction?
Pickup artists are boys who think women are gullible and can be fooled though misdirection and manipulation. But women are not fooled. They can smell a hidden agenda from across the room. And manipulation is a stain.
Your book also addresses masculinity and everything surrounding it - why did you find this important?
Because no one ever taught my generation that true masculine sexual energy is beautiful and divine, a gift bestowed upon us by God. Instead we are taught that masculinity is toxic - that all men are one step away from being rapists, and that if we happen to walk slowly past a playground, well, we must be pedophiles. This thinking is, in my opinion, a sin.
What is your favorite quote from the book? And why the poetic prose?
Hmm... well, the first line I ever wrote for the book was "All beautiful things must end. Otherwise they are not beautiful." The ephemeral and seductive nature of beauty has always fascinated me. The fleeting quality of life and how things fall apart, in spite of our best efforts and intentions. The writer, Willa Cather, said it this way: "This is the joy of the rose... that it blows... and then it goes." As far as the "poetic prose," I suppose I just wanted to capture this feeling in words, more than simply describing things. My conceit was that the sentences would have a musicality and rhythm that matched the way this man remembered his life-long love affair with women.
What are you working on right now?
My second book... a continuance of the theme of beauty. But this time it is not couched in terms of men and women and the polarity of attraction. It is, I'm afraid, going to be even more abstract and whimsical.
Where can our readers discover more of your work or interact with you?
I'm pretty easy to find. My email is [email protected] and my website is ArsAmorata.com and I am on Facebook (though I notice there are a few impostors with accounts in my name. I have no idea why.)