Mr. Punch's After-Dinner Stories

m>Improvised Butler (to distinguished guest). "Will ye take anny more drink, sor?"]

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[Illustration: First Customer. "Waiter, a fried sole."

Second Customer. "Bring me a fried sole, too, waiter--and mind it is fresh."

Waiter. "Two fried soles--one fresh!"]

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[Illustration: AFTER MANY YEARS!--Country Parson (to distinguished Peer, who has been making THE speech of the evening). "How d'ye do, my lord? I see you don't quite remember me." Distinguished Peer. "Well--er--not altogether." C. P. "We were members of the same club at Oxford." D. P. (with awakening interest). "Oh--ah! Let me see--which club was that?" C. P. "The--er--Toilet Club, you know!"]

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[Illustration: THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE LEFT UNSAID

She. "We expected you to dinner last night, Herr Professor. We waited half an hour for you.